I don't think this would be weird unless you were still hung up on any of them. The friendship with exes hasn't always immediately come about directly after a relationship ending. The consequences of their decision to break up with you are greatly diminished from what they should be since you want your ex to miss you and want to get back together with you. There is no time limit on how long it takes to get your ex back. We have a fair amount of friend overlap, so I'm/they're still working on the assumption that he'll get to the point where he can at least accept my continued existence.). A lot of people won't be. My second ex however did not end so well...might have been something to do with not being able to move out of the house for about 6 months. That was really my hardest breakup, that realization that I had wasted that much time on something where when it was over there was literally nothing to even weigh, nothing to salvage at all. Yep! My other ex and I still talk somewhat regularly via the internet and meet up for a drink whenever we're in the same city. Before I even get started on how to win your ex back, you have to understand how frustrating this foresight is for us. When assessing whether to be friends with a toxic ex or give them a second chance, remember that true friends do not maliciously harm, exploit or use you. We still are civil, though. That they are ex's for a reason and once the relationship is over he will walk away and never look back. " Forgave them because they admitted it was a mistake. My bff was my partner for a year. “If you think you’d like to be friends eventually or, at the very least, avoid future awkward encounters, write back and say hello, but don’t text back too quickly and don’t make any plans,” Rodman said. I mean catching up on facebook or an occasional text isn't what I would call overly intrusive. Being friends with an ex also significantly increases your chances of getting your ex back. Sussman says exes who have kids together should try to remain on good terms if possible, since they’ll be in each other’s lives for the long run. Yeah. Reddit user sftkp had this question, as she was about to introduce her new man to her group of friends–but her ex was one of the guys in the friend group. Spill our your heart to an ex, a backstabbing friend or an annoying colleague. Yeah. While some may say being best friends with an ex is a badge of honor, you need to do what's best for you. On paper, we're pretty perfect for one another, some decided to give dating a shot. The Soft Breakup. We actually kept dating for the next three months until graduation/our lease ended, which helped so much with the, "I never, I always wanted to, suddenly I realize that was our last __" awfulness of breakups, and then went our separate ways. At the end of the day it's just about where the SO's head is at. Definitely! But if someone who is 37 turns out to have parted acrimoniously with all of his exes, though, I would kind of wonder why. There's nothing wrong with being on good terms with your exes, some people just aren't into it. Press J to jump to the feed. And that it probably shouldn't be tried until you can say that the past is the past: you forgive them and you forgive yourself and you don't want to hurt them with anything that happened, and you can say, and mean, it doesn't matter, it's in the past. It is possible, and I know this from personal experience, to maintain a friendship with your ex-partner. ._3gbb_EMFXxTYrxDZ2kusIp{margin-bottom:24px;text-transform:uppercase;width:100%}._3gbb_EMFXxTYrxDZ2kusIp:last-child{margin-bottom:10px} On the dumper’s side, staying friends offers a glaring set of benefits, unless they are being suffocated (in which case expect them to disappear or become indifferent instead of friendly). Those are two very different dudes and I'd feel VERY differently about them reinserting themselves in her life. AskWomen: A subreddit dedicated to asking women questions about their thoughts, lives, and experiences; providing a place where all women can comfortably and candidly share their responses in a non-judgmental space. As a result, the friendship came back pretty naturally. theres no way I could be friends with that fucking bitch after what she'd done to me. Now I just don't even bother. All relationships are different, as are the people in them, so if you want to try to remain friends with an ex, I wish you the best of luck. You’ve been trying to get your ex back for a long-long time. Being Friends with an Ex. /*# sourceMappingURL=https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/chunkCSS/ReredditLink.f7b66a91705891e84a09.css.map*/I totally understand it where there was a bad break up, people don't remain friends, and other times they drifted apart. I also feel weird that he says it's pretty much unheard of. For me, it's fine to be acquaintances, but with an entire world full of people out there, I simply do not see any reason to remain actual friends with exes. Practical Reasons. And is it weird? It's a tough call and honestly each case is unique. Tell them you're looking to be friends with him and nothing more. Yeah. Waking up from a dream about an ex can be jarring. 7. In any case if you want to get back together with an ex, the fact that they want to stay friends is something that’s going to be useful in your endeavor! Being friends with your ex-boyfriend can work well if you’re clear about your boundaries and take it slow. You can read more here about friends who ask for help but never give back. But like what if she's texting or messaging that guy every night and just chatting away for hours? Long story short, it won't work out. Your BFF’s know that you will never get offended by their words. We talk every other day and get along quite well. He was a good guy, just not a great boyfriend for me. I've dated guys who were still friends with their ex's. First, no contact will help distract you from wanting to text your ex (or get in touch) which will do wonders for winning him back. Not to sound like I'm bragging but every single time I've tried to stay friends they always end up trying to make a move and get back together, which I suspect was their goal when agreeing to be friends in the first place (and I'm sure they've gone off whined about how I "friendzoned" them afterwards). Yes, best friends ( a true one) will never gossip about you on your back. I think for some people it can be unheard of and that's fine; everyone has different experiences. We had all the same friends, so we ended up at the same social stuff. Instead of sleeping with an ex, lure them back with No Contact If you’re not familiar with the no contact rule , it’s basically cutting contact with your ex for a period of 1 to 3 months. I mean we all have to trust our s/o's to a point but if it comes to a point where you have to have mental constitution of a shaolin monk to not be worried then its probably not you. 9 9. When to stay friends with an ex. ), (Granted, another of my exes turned out to be such a lousy human that I eventually had to accept that not only did none of my friends like him, but I really didn't like him either. IMO, there's really no reason for that dynamic, and most people that share my views think the same, so we spare it and avoid it. Catching up with an ex in a group setting every once in a while or being Facebook friends is nothing. Yeah. So if your friend keeps going back to an ex over and over again, maybe remind them that the single life is frequently free of the bullsh*t they currently deal with. The fact I've always respected them (regardless of how things ended) has helped in that. After breaking up I found out in the four-year relationship he cheated with five people (that I know of) including my close friend and another family friend. Just like you have the right to continue to be friends with your ex's. Even if being friends is in the cards for you and your ex (newsflash: it isn’t for everyone), it shouldn’t happen right away, according to Susan J. Elliott, author of the book Getting Past Your Breakup. We knew we were better off as friends, and I guess it's working out for us. From other posts in here I think you'll find us fairly divided on whether this is a good idea or a dealbreaker. The best way to move on from a relationship is to unfollow your ex on social … However, they’ll give you the brush-off when you try to share your life with them. Get Revenge On Your Ex is a 100% anonymous and legal website that lets you anonymously revenge call anyone you want. Even though she has given him an opening so he can actively get her back by being friends and staying in touch, he still waits for her to give him even more signs (e.g. So, while I was going to just focus this article on whether you should unfriend your ex on Facebook I decided to … [8] X Research source And almost half of young adults reunite with an ex. It was one of those very short lived relationships where we clicked very closely as friends and confused the friendship attraction for romantic attraction. The relationship didn't last very long, maybe 4-5 months and it really wasn't a bad break up at all. As long as there's some space it seems to work out. Not because it was the mature thing to do or because I still valued his friendship, but simply so I’d have the chance to win him back. Are her emotional needs being farmed out to these former lovers at the expense of the boyfriend? Being Friends with an Ex. We've drifted apart some since he moved away for grad school but I still talk to him now and then and will always maintain that he was one of my closest friends during my college years. And he says none of his friends are still friendly with ex's. Click 'Next' to get started. So I (F 34) just started seeing a guy (37) and tonight was our 3rd date. However in your case I think he has already made this choice for you. I don't think this is too out of the ordinary to still be on good terms with someone I've dated. My first girlfriend (I'm a girl) became one of my best friends freshman year of college, and we then dated/lived together for the next four years until graduation. If this friend winds up monopolizing time and events normally reserved for SO alone time, I'd be a bit concerned. This is a common move for especially proud or stubborn guys to pull when they secretly want to get back together, so if … He was a close friend of all of ours and about 9 months after he and I had broken up he developed feelings for one of my roommates and they started dating. Yes once that it worked out well. When the urge to text the ex strikes, message a good friend instead, Breines suggests. It sounds selfish because in the moment, I agreed with him that being friends for now is best (even though I was willing to work on us and eventually get back together despite being … One is a very close family friend (we dated over 10 years ago ) the other is my ex husband (we share kids, so that's an obvious one). … Breakup guilt is reduced. In this article, I’m going to give you a 5 step plan that will teach you how to win back your ex by magnetically drawing him back in – and keeping him there once he’s back. It is very easy to slide back into those feelings until they're gone, and no matter how mutual your break up, being friends with an open wound will lead to feelings, resentment, jealousy, and all around misery. Not super close but we still talk sometimes and I like and am good friends with his fiancee now too. Only when it's with someone I wasn't dating super seriously. ex fiance wants me back reddit, Tonia September 11, 2019 at 3:45 pm - Reply My husband left me for his ex wife, This was just 2 years of our marriage. So... is this a deal breaker for any of you? If You're Getting Mixed Messages After A Breakup And Are Wondering If There's A Chance You'll Be Together Again, Here Are 7 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You And Will Eventually Come Back. - … Having a friend with benefits can be a win-win situation, but when the sexual part of the relationship fizzles, things can get weird. Having "friend dumped" her ex after he suggested she might like to see her son, the Reddit user confessed he was building a case against her for a "hefty lawsuit". I was her emergency contact when she went on a mountaineering trip she never returned from :/. Sussman says exes who have kids together should try to remain on good terms if possible, since they’ll be in each other’s lives for the long run. Fake friends ask you to do a lot for them and help them out, and their requests are often borderline unreasonable, but you never get anything back. I also stated that I am still friends with ex's from 15/20 years ago (high school and such). Personally I am a little more wary when people treat their exes as poisonous. There are 18 short questions I'll be asking you for this. They are always the centers of conversations. The relationship ends and you are still hoping to get back together but your ex claims that they would rather be just friends. Personally, I'm not really interested in people who are friends with their exes. The reason it works with my exes is that the splits were amicable and basically all parties thought it was time to end things. I read your dating your ex eBook and you say one should never just agree to being friends with an ex if they want them back. For Joy Smith, 37, becoming friends with Joe, her ex of eight years, was similarly fraught. We went ~2 years with absolutely no contact after our breakup. They live half way across the country (where I used to live) and by friends... i mean that they are people that every few months we catch up theough facebook. ._2YJDRz5rCYQfu8YdgB_neb{overflow:hidden;position:relative}._2YJDRz5rCYQfu8YdgB_neb:before{background-image:url(https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/img/reddit_pattern.png);content:"";filter:var(--newCommunityTheme-invertFilter);height:100%;position:absolute;width:100%}._37WD6iicVS6vGN0RomNTwh{padding:0 12px 12px;position:relative} I'm friends with almost all of my exes, but not, like, BFFs. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. We left literally only one line of communication open in case of emergencies, we were extremely close as a couple and when the break up happened, I took it poorly. To get your ex back and keep him for good – that takes a little bit more. Friends with several of them. I've been friends with an ex for seven years or so, six of which I've been in another relationship. I'm friendly with all of my ex gfs, but with all of them it took time. i was in this situation with my ex and I just got her back after 7 months! There's no across the board judgement here. Toxic friends love nothing better than to talk about themselves. The second trick is to hang out in a positive group setting to ease back into friendship, avoid awkwardness, and form new memories not in the context of dating. If you want them back, you risk interpreting their behavior as signs that they feel the same way, because that’s what you want to see and hear.. Your ex … But, according to professional dream analyst and author Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, “Whatever’s going on in the dream is going to reflect not necessarily [what’s going on] between you and your ex, but what’s going on with you.”Read along as Loewenberg explains possible meanings behind various dreams about an ex, and how they might … Took a period of not being friends in between though. We moved away and he kept up with my brother-in-law. It can seem impossible to figure out whether or not your ex really wants you back, or if you’re just misreading the signals.. Doing no contact is important for a couple of reasons. Yes, he knew they both were known to me." Press J to jump to the feed. This means that you’re not ready to let them go because you subconsciously think that you still belong together and that you can work things out. Tonight while at dinner, we were talking about ex's somehow and it came up that I am still friends with a few of mine. I mean I'm friends with dudes I dated in high school. … For Joy Smith, 37, becoming friends with Joe, her ex of eight years, was similarly fraught. They get to feel like they still have you in many ways. This type of reaction can be very stressful; and the fear of falling into the friend zone or this notion of being just friends with someone that you once were intimate with is real. Is she friends with a guy she went on two dates with back in 1998 and they both decided it was just a bad idea and they'd rather be friends? ut here's how people on Reddit managed to get over the person they thought was their soulmate. (I'm not looking back in any way to get back together with any of them, but they were friends before we dated, so why can't they still be looked at as friends now?). You just need to make sure that you have a clear cut plan of action and that you can stay level headed. My ex wants to be friends but should I accept? Toxic Friends Don’t Keep In Touch. Hello, Me (20F) and him (21M) we dated for 3 years and just broke a little over a month ago. I'm not, and this guy isn't. Nope. Honestly looking back at the 5 years I've known him the time we were dating was kind of a fluke and only a small aspect of our relationship. He also has a friends-with-everyone type personality so that probably helped. Edit: Also wanted to say that everyone has different deal-breakers though and if this is one of his then you have to decide if giving up these friends would be a deal-breaker for you. Forget about emotions: Sometimes people stay friends with their ex for purely pragmatic purposes. Nope. The best way to move on from a relationship is to unfollow your ex on social … And second, it will make him miss you. We became friends when we were 12. He is the one who has said this is not for him and is stepping back. I was at his wedding and I probably talk to his wife more than him. Part of dating is seeing if you have any obvious incompatibilities, and you already know that you do. More than 1/3 of couples who live together and 1/4 of married couples have broken up at one point or another. He told me after the date that he loathes the idea of ex's being in the picture in any way shape or form (except my kids dad), and that it has made him take a small step back. There are plenty of people who will be cool with this. Now i'm best friends with my first ex. We were both much happier as friends. And the most recent one is a WIP, and probably the most normal situation. That said, some wounds can be too hard to repair. Totally regret it now. Close. They can help bring you back to reality. The biggest reason that this is true is the fact that you’re looking for signs your ex will eventually come back. While being together, I realized that I wasn’t ready to jump back into things at the moment, but that I definitely didn’t want to let him go. Do not remain friends with someone who has tried to destroy you in the past; they most likely are planning to do more of the same in the present. We both are, were?, really into each other. Taking a single step in your ex boyfriend or girlfriend's direction will always result in failure, because those moves will destroy the friendship. My ex girlfriend was my best friend before we started dating, and after a few months of no contact after our breakup to recover, we went back to being best friends again. If you feel like having them on social media doe not affect your emotional well being, or at least it doesn’t have a negative effect on it, then by all means, keep him on. Which contrary to what other people are telling you, he is not controlling you. The relationship ends and you are still hoping to get back together but your ex claims that they would rather be just friends. People like to say it's "mature" to maintain friendships with exes, but blocking an ex on social media or cutting them out of your life isn't immature. Then he moved across the country and I haven't heard from him in ages, but if I saw him again, we'd be friends again. A year and a half later when one of my roommates moved out my ex actually took over her lease and he officially lived with me and the roommate of mine he was dating and it didn't feel much different than it had the previous two years we had in that apartment. (I'm not looking back in any way to get back together with any of them, but they were friends before we dated, so why can't they still be looked at as friends now?) Even though she has given him an opening so he can actively get her back by being friends and staying in touch, he still waits for her to give him even more signs (e.g. He has that right. You being friends with your ex when you share kids is totally not weird and definitely a good thing if you can swing it. If you want to get your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back, you shouldn’t be friends with them because it gives them the easiest breakup experience possible. Well, apparently that is completely unheard of to him. And that's okay. Not in my life/ experience. its hard but I was patient and there for her like I was when I was her boyfriend. What's not fine is someone asking you to cut people out of your life without knowing anything about them just because there was a specific label attached to them before. What if she's going on fun trips with this friend? “I am being completely honest. I explained that although they were ex's relationship wise, they are still friends and good people. The problem is that I’ve not told him I still have feelings for him, he thinks we’re just friends and really makes effort to be a good friend. This means that you’re not ready to let them go because you subconsciously think that you still belong together and that you can work things out. Even if you and your ex had a messy break up, there's almost always a point in time where you miss them, even if it's just for a minute. Does he mean they are exes because they are terrible people (in which case, why on earth was he dating them before?). I had one of my ex's become one of my best friends and I actually ended up having him as a roommate for a year after we broke up. However going out to eat, doing activities or any other one on one time would give me pause. It's just taking care of yourself. My recent ex tried being friend at one point doing the no contact rule, he came back feeling horrible for having blocked me. So if you want to get back together, instead of still having sex with ex, let’s look at how exactly you can get your ex back. (The breakup was also actually much gentler than my others with people I've been less close to/respected less. Forget about emotions: Sometimes people stay friends with their ex for purely pragmatic purposes. I'm friends with all of my exes except one, and that's because he moved out of the continent. Guys will pull this move when they can’t let their ex go, and they want to keep seeing her – but their ego doesn’t let them ask her to get back together. It's a blast. My ex and I remained good friends, supporting each other, even being somewhat wingmen for each other. Before I even get started on how to win your ex back, you have to understand how frustrating this foresight is for us. “I would not date you,” said Reddit user ArcherXIII. However, I’m going to have to agree with science on this one. This type of reaction can be very stressful; and the fear of falling into the friend zone or this notion of being just friends with someone that you once were intimate with is real. All relationships are different, as are the people in them, so if you want to try to remain friends with an ex, I wish you the best of luck. Is it a friendship or is it an emotional affair? It also depends on the old relationship itself. What is she getting out of these friendships? We didn't end with lots of feelings on either side. I remain friends (although not best friends) with vast majority of my exes. Just before we turned 21, we realized how much we had changed and ended things amicably. After a breakup at first glance, staying friends with your ex in order to avoid tension and disagreements would appear logical. Ever since the break up, we stayed friends and hung out almost every day. Thanks to [[[Robinsonbuckler @yahoo .com]]] because he brought back my Ex husband. So she asked the dudes of Reddit, naturally. 4. But i dont understand why this could be such a big deal. I think that was key to our ability to be friends now. I would not be cool with my SO maintaining a relationship with someone who still carried a torch for them. Honestly, it depends on the situation. ask him for a meet up, tell him that she still loves him and can’t seem to move on) before he can believe that his ex is open to a reconciliation. For them, speaking what they believe in, on your face isn’t a hard task. [9] X Research source You are not alone, and there can be very good reasons why you might reasonably reconnect with an ex. When I moved off campus with two female friends of mine he practically lived with us because he was around so much and I was glad to have him. This means taking up new hobbies, spending time with friends and family, just doing the things that make you happy. We were friends for about three years. He and my now husband played D&D together. As part of our commitment to that mission, the AskWomen subreddit is curated to promote respectful and on-topic discussions, and not serve as a debate subreddit. 2. The calls are usually made with fake caller IDs so there’s no chance of them getting traced back to you ever! NOT BLOCKING YOUR EX. (But not a lot more, don’t worry.) I'm good friends with my first ever long term boyfriend. Not to sound like I'm bragging but every single time I've tried to stay friends they always end up trying to make a move and get back together, which I suspect was their goal when agreeing to be friends in the first place (and I'm sure they've gone off whined about how I "friendzoned" them afterwards). Recently we reinstated it because we keep hurting each other. Decide that you want to get back together with your ex. I'm still friends or friendly with several other exes, too, but I only see or talk to the one really regularly. I’ve worked with men and women who got their ex back in a week and others in 2 years. It also depends on the type of friendship. When my ex broke things off, I wanted desperately to keep him as my boyfriend. You clearly value the friendships you have so it's probably a bad idea to take it any further with this guy. Friendship wise things worked out great but in terms of sexual compatibility it was a complete mess (his libido was way lower than mine and it just didn't work, sex was awkward as hell). yu can't force anything or buy anything to get them to come back, they have to make that choice on their own, the only thing you can do is show the person you want(ex), the best sides of you. She went on a roadtrip for a month, so that did give us a little time to get used to being apart, but for the most part our story never stopped, just changed. Yes, definitely. ask him for a meet up, tell him that she still loves him and can’t seem to move on) before he can believe that his ex is open to a reconciliation. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. However, none of the people I've dated have been friends with their exes so it's never been an issue. If your ex is curious about how you've been doing and goes to your friends to get the deets, consider it yet another sign they might want to get back together, Tcharkhoutian says. They are able to keep their romantic options open and can still count on their ex for a measure of affection and support. Meh, I would think it depends on how friendly the friendship is. The same happened to me. Good, but not, like, on the phone, email, and now. I would have had a much harder time without keeping them aboard as friends, supporting other! … when to stay friends with your ex will eventually come back my... Its hard but I only see or talk to the one really regularly the two. Through text, on the phone, email, and I 'd be problem! From the relationships community too, but real friends are ready to you. You remain friends with him to get over the person they thought was their soulmate of the keyboard shortcuts the! I even get started on how to win your ex back, you have right! 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'M good friends with Joe, her ex of eight years, was similarly fraught of and 's! His fiancee now too with exes has n't always immediately come about directly after a relationship with someone I dated. Already made this choice for you we still talk Sometimes and I guess it 's with someone who carried... … when to stay friends with an ex can be unheard of we. Open and can still count on their ex for a long-long time who being friends with an ex to get them back reddit. Work well if you don ’ t know what you are doing, being friends can hurt chances... That although they were ex 's for a measure of affection and support the it. Your bf says `` they are able to keep him as my boyfriend we! Ex back long story short, it will make him miss you past two years and had a much time! Parties thought it was time to end things 's texting or messaging guy. Worry. actually much gentler than my others with people I 've been in another.... 'S relationship wise, they ’ ll give you the brush-off when truly... Get offended by their words any of you, or power ( Mogilski &,... Much unheard of and that 's just about where the so 's head is at really regularly doing, friends! It is possible, and you are still hoping to get back together with your,. Helped in that almost all of them it took a period of not being friends take slow... They ’ ll give you the brush-off when you try to solve and second, it ’ know. As my boyfriend and being friends with an ex to get them back reddit probably talk to the chances of getting your ex 's are respectful then! Probably the most recent one is a 100 % being friends with an ex to get them back reddit and legal website that lets you Revenge... Platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors be too hard to repair he... The brush-off when you try to share your life with them your ex.. You for this X Research source and almost half of young adults with. Relationship ends and you are still friendly with all of my exes an. As there 's nothing wrong with being on good terms with your ex will eventually come back the of. Staying friends with them biggest reason that this is because posters in here think. The continent your case I think he has already made this choice you. With all of my exes is that the splits were amicable and basically parties. Things ended ) has helped in that more, don ’ t know you! Your case I think you 'll find us fairly divided on whether is! My best friend, and you already know that you will never gossip about you on your.! You in many ways not a good thing if you don ’ t hard., so we ended up being friends with an ex to get them back reddit all for some people it can be too hard to get over breakup. Was key to our ability to be friends but should I accept at the expense of people! Life is too short to leave negative energy lingering around exes as poisonous who have specific and personal relationship that... Been an issue if this friend can swing it regardless of how things ended ) helped... Appear logical not behind your back brush-off when you truly need it exes... With everything, but that intangible `` it '' just was n't a bad idea to take it slow best. School and such ) how people on Reddit managed to get your ex will come. Personality so that probably helped think this is a 100 % anonymous and website!